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WWND
Industries News
Feb
19,2001
New
study shows that Dolls in lauren house are plotting against
one of the co-founder
- Taunton MA - New study conducted by The Nick shows that
the dolls in laurens house are plotting against tang, a WWND
Industries co-founder, to kill him and use his body for there
own evil plots. Negotiations with the ghost and the teddy bear
are being conducted as we speak, future Negotiation with the
poster and the cat are expected to start soon. More to Come
.........
Feb
24, 2001
WE
GOT 60 Pounds of explosives, FBI alerts the local police and
state police about this matter.
Raynham
Ma.- Irish hooligan gets 60 pounds of fireworks, then Irish
hooligan and The Nick blow up lizards and attack a lake. Local
authorities follow them around and are put on high alert. The
irish hooligan is quoted as saying "Correction, KILL US
BOTH"
so
far they have evaded the Law but they are quoted say " We
aint done till we light up the sky like Iraq during desert
storm" more to come.
May
29,2001
Former
employees name changed, co-founder fired.
Raynham
ma - the woman formally know as lauren is now Bryants Broad,
Tang fired
July
24th, 2001
Founder
announcement, Ex-communicated squad leader chosen, puppies
wenched
Raynham
ma- Nobody likes you. to hell with this.....
July
24th, 2001
Founder
announcement, Ex-communicated squad leader chosen, puppies
wenched
Raynham
ma- Alright fine. you can have wwnd email...
buncha
sissies.
Click here
to signup or login!
July
24th, 2001
lOOSECANNON
hates his life, 2 hirings, Exclusive transcript of The nick
straightening out WWND EUROPE
lOOSECANNON
would like it to be officially known that he OFFICIALLY
hates his life...oh god dammit i have to update this page
again today! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK! right. On with the
news...
Today
WWND Industries founder, god, and all around jackass, THE
NICK stated that we still hadnt posted about the
hiring of our Head Chef, DJ. yes DJ comes from a long line
of cracker jacks, complete with housing, and NOS on a '94
Oldsmobile. Dances with bikers, or DJ, will have the chivalrous
task of heading the Dept. Of "Good game", taming
the task of head chef (with extra barbecue sauce, callahan),
and head of underage staffing. Pants off to you DJ!
Also,
in the last post lOOSECANNON hired but barely announced the
procurement of Capt. Adventure! Leader of the american way!
hired due to his innane banter, constant belligerence, and
all around wacky sense of humor, Capt. Adventure will head
the ex-communicated squad on their roving deeds. As conduct
for his new position, the Capt. has full power to hire his
squad of deviants. More power to you, you crippled,
one-armed bastard...
Today
the ND also faithfully announced the policy of forced
hiring. We dont ask, if we want you, your ours. And dammit,
unless we fire you, your not getting out of it. This, is the
WWND way.
Well
that and no one ever says yes...bastards. We'll get our
revenge! [wait, isnt YOU'LL get your revenge?] No, I'm the
president now. Everyone is officially below me and dammit,
if i say we're going to get them then the B.A.R's and
thompson's will come out and we'll get them, by god! Right
after we finish these 1700 cases of fruit-rollups.. yea,
thats right SMACK SMACK...you tremble you nancies....hahahhah
Oh
yea...the news. Lastly today we have for you the exclusive,
in depth and unedited transcript of a founder meeting
between The nick and
Sgt. Rebel.
lOOSECANNON
would like it to be noted that both himself and the founder
have been up for over thirty hours, so if this makes less
sense than usual, FUCK IT!
August
20th 2001
Hiring,
lOOSEcANNON updates manifesto
Today
lOOSEcANNON would like it to be known that due to the
staffs total inability to navigate the simple task of not
hitting a key, the rule on parentheses has been modified.
Please see the manifesto.
holy shit@! we just said please!
Also, today the ND announces the hiring of a fashion
consultant! yes you heard right, that gothic goddess of
funk herself, Chemical Halo will be joining us here at the
ND!
October 21th, 2001
[heheheh]
That
stuff from the front page
Raynham
ma- Today the WWND is proud to announce that a great new
contest for the very first WWND GIRL has been launched.
Details here.
The
anti-pants movement propaganda division has started up;
with El Bastardo as its head. Hopefully the propaganda
shall be distributed and posted soon. We will keep you
informed.
Remember!
PANTS ARE THE ENEMY.
The
ex-communicated squad has received official word [At least
it will once it reads this.] from loosecannon that it must
start hiring members and commence the crustacean
demoralization project. Other projects of mayhem need soon
to commence.
Oh
yes the ND opened up a new office in Watertown, MA. Soon
updates may be flowing more often once a comp makes it up
there. This office will allow unmolested WWND chaos to
reign! w00t!
[ya
so i sorta lost motivation during this post. sue me.]
November
6 something -raynham office - The Nick find Bryants Broad
guild of treason, pants saved from drowning -
today The Nick founder bryants broad guilty of 16 counts
of treason, hearing on sentencing will be held at a later
date. hopefully soon
November
6 something -raynham office -again - the nick - The nick
is in his office for once -
today
the nick was in his office doing work, amazingly no one
was hurt and shit got done. He is the first Ceo to go into
his office and do something other than the secretary. and
let me tell you, he is looking for a secretary.
jan 13 2002 ,
loose cannon takes leave of absence
-
today the nick received a letter that loose cannon was
thinking of taking a leave of absence. well the nick is
going to let loose take that leave but it will be unpaid
(...... ha ......). the nick will be taking all of loose's
responsibilities and be single handedly running this
company. but the nick will need to hire an
assistant/secretary. so be on the lookout for who he will
hire.
jan 18th 2002, the most
important WWND post EVER:
Today the WWND received
this important Communiqué. It was even in top secret
SPANISH encoding, which the WWND SINGLE-HANDEDLY developed
years before it was popular to not speak english. Today
the WWND give you a brief and introspective look at the
wonder that is the WWND coding savvy...
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In
Spanish:
Hola. Me gustaría tener un trabajo. Necesito
mucho dinero. Tengo un pene grande y muy largo.
Escribame, por favor. Gracías. Dios se lo pague!
Ricardo, el spico
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In
English:
Hello. I would like to have a work. I need much
money. I have a great and very long penis. Escribame,
please. Gracías. God pays it! Ricardo, the spico
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ASTOUNDING, ISNT
IT????!?!??!
i know that is the only word that comes to my mind. with
this new intel in hand from deep undercover corporate
spy, ritchie the FIVE-OOOOOOOH king, we are certain to
take over the world by next tuesday. monday at the
latest. really.
Jan 18th: rest of
update news in a separate listing due to critical status
of last posting.
Today the WWND has decieded to stop waiting for
MIKEFUCK to respond to our hiring page [not that the
effort to remove it from the hiring page will be
expended] and has just fucking hired him. so boner lines
to you all. thankyou. see the staff page for more info!
lOOSEcANNON would also like to announce that he too is
in the market for a secretary. Only applicants with this
kind of devotion are to
be accepted. Thank you.
March 16th:
Today the ND would like
to announce the hiring of the following people:
Tyransourisflex: head of
emo-awreness in hardcore music, dept. of being a bitch
miss
fancy
pants:
head of ridiculous body striping, dept of random flashing
to creepy boys, dept. of being shady
Tang: Dept. of founder cookie theft, jesus complex in a
box
Hoover the ass-fraggle: autonomous whine-o-tron, grand
high wizard of drama insertion, dept. of whining, emo
space hussie
March 16th:
Today the ND would like
to announce that its firing everyone in the US division
with the exception of DJ!, because he's dj; and jill,
because she's wearing the sexpants. We cant let her leave
while wearing company property. Also, the ND is now
officially hiring women. Oh yea, also nicks sexratary
stays. I mean how can i fire the nick's bitch?With 2 on the staff we feel
confident the man-quotient can be eliminated. Well that,
and your all fucking useless.
there is hope, however...we are opening a new division...
in 5
4
3
2
March 16th:
Today the ND has opened ND
Labs! The premier laboratory and research vessel for
the worlds top scientists. boner lines. [our next project]
We've hired EL Bastardo
to ND Labs. See the site for that info. Also, Dr. Viv
Secton has been hired. Woohoo for you two. ha, that
fucking rhymed.
gay.
April 23
2002 - Ok her is a clip from the interview with Jizzabell,
she was personally interviewed by The Nick, so we know it
was an in depth interviewing process that gets into all
the nooks and crannies to find out if she was right for
The ND:
The Nick
: Any fetishes?
Jizzabell: I have a sick obsession with
peanut butter and I love to masturbate with fruits and vegetables, but maybe
I should just stick with sodemy.
The Nick
: Well here at WWND Industries, you can keep your fetishes
, as long as you either practice them in the
founders office or at least get them on video, or pictures
will due.
amazing
isnt it, want more?
The
Nick : What are you doing?
Jizzabell: I'm filling out an application
The Nick : Ok, but why?
Jizzabell: Don't you want to know if I meet the qualifications?
The Nick: Well for females, we hire for looks, but if you want to fill out the application, go for it, it will be awesome,
but I'm hiring you cause of your looks, and the fact that I
will be you boss so I can tell you to get naked and to get
into weird sexual positions. How old are you? not that it
should matter.
Jizzabell:
old enough.
The Nick
: your hired!!!!!!!!
And here
is part of the negotiation process after hiring.
The Nick: ok for filling out the application, you are going to get a good job title, like vice president of something
Jizzabell: ok, sounds good
The Nick: and we will hire Miss Fancy Pants back as your assistant or something
Jizzabell: ok, i guess.
The Nick: Because she didn't fill out an application, what can i say,
Your just a bit more professional than she is, also she was hired under the
WWND Industries forced hiring provision, which is basically, we hire you
whether you like it or not.
Well that's
parts of the interview, amazing isn't it, we are the
best.
What?
you think your going to get something interesting or new on
every damn page if your jackass enough to keep scrolling down
this far?
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