"Currently we've made great progress in our research on the prevention of birth defects through the removal of bacteria in the mother's womb. For this, I will autoclave pregnant women's uteruses. Unfortunate side effect of fetal eradication...however, effective in the prevention of birth defects. A marked success. 100% prevention rate!"

Wow, Dr. Viv Secton! That is amazing. Do you have any other news for us?

"Well, turning my attention to our animal friends...I want to do a study on the effects of television violence. I will subject primates to varied amounts of violent imagery over long periods of time...at the end of the time-frame I will then shoot them each in the head. End result; TV watching does cause violence. They watched violent TV and died horrific deaths."

What stunning insight into the both the behavior of animals and the effect of violent television! What will ND Labs come up with next????!

"Um...well, ever wonder why some people like animals and some don't? Children who don't like animals often grow up to be sociopath's....so my test will determine if a love for animals is innate. To perform this test, all I will do is implant a small lab rat, rabbit, gerbil or similar into the uterus. If the fetus and animal have a bad "reaction" then the child is better off eliminated as it would have grown to be a serial killer anyhow. Very successful crime prevention technique"

Wow! That is astounding, Dr. Viv Secton. Just astounding. Now how are you implanting these cute cuddly little cannon fodder animals into the womb?

"well, we're still perfecting it, but we've had great success with simply laying a trail of kibble along the birth canal."

"it's more technical than it sounds, of course. Very scientific."

It is truly amazing what the power of the ND put to science can accomplish. What will ND Labs come up with next????!